These are difficult times.
However, in order to maintain an acceptable standard of service
it is with regret that we find that we have no choice
but to dismiss all of the staff forthwith.
We aren’t exactly sure how many of you there are
but we assume there are several dozen of you beetling away down there.
We provide below a list of reasons for this drastic action:
– the laundry service you provide is a joke. “Service” people, let’s just dwell on that word. How is it a service if we, the employers and overlords, are expected to pick up our soiled clothes from the floor and place them in the baskets you put in our corridors?
– your intrusion into our private space is simply unacceptable when you gather our soiled clothes. You skulk around, picking up laundry moving our carefully arranged detritus.
– you dare to question the lack of logic we show by choosing, at different times, to bitch and whine about each of the two previous points.
– all of the above can be applied to dishes, cutlery, rubbish and your stuff.
– catering in what you laughingly call the “kitchen”. This room, which we choose to drop clothes and bags and to scatter shoes, is erronoeusly used by you to prepare food. Please stop doing this. It’s annoying.
– the food stores are always inadequate. Like, man, you ask us to tell you what we would like to eat which is, like, so hard and when we can’t be bothered, because you know we are SO tired, instead of you reading our minds you fill the fridge with your crap. So unjust, dude!
– let’s straighten up one thing guys. The car exists purely to get us there and pick us up. You use it like you own it! And frankly, dudes, your attitude when we request a lift is harsh.
– finally, and this was the breaking point, cash. Man you guys have got this so wrong. You constantly spend it on stuff like electricity and food and made up stuff like “tax”. People, the moolah is for us, guys! Our makeup, music, essential junk food in town with our besties, that’s why money was invented. You are so disorganised.
So, before you go, you will need to advertise and interview for all your jobs. Make sure you get better people than you – can’t be worse, can they? lol
We would do it but we really can’t be bothered and anyway we have a group Snap.chat in a bit where Lucy is gonna tell us about her new shoes and that fitty Joel says he might take his shirt off!
Laterz, The Teens.
